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Healing - Releasing Control



“Expectation is at the root of all heartache”

William Shakespeare


What does it mean to really “Let Go” of something? When people say “just let it go” what are they really saying? Don’t let it bother you? You’re making a big deal out of nothing? Or are they saying “You’re spending too much energy on something you cannot change.” Maybe they mean all of those things and then some.


When I give an intuitive message to someone, I rarely hear or remember the information that I channel, so when people come back to me months or years after a reading with me, and say “Remember? You told me such and such, and it came true!” I can honestly say that I don’t have any recollection of what message Spirit gave them. But, on occasion, when I give someone a reading, Spirit will say to me “This applies to you as well, so listen closely.” That’s when I know, the information is critical to my own growth as well as the person I am reading for.


A few years ago, I read for a woman who was angry with me about a reading I had given her 6 months earlier. She came in, sat down in front of me, was breathing heavily, as though exasperated, and proceeded to tell me about the last reading I had given her. I listened intently for a bit, and finally asked her “What are you angry about?” She replied “Well, you said……….and that’s not how it turned out.” I said “You got the job Spirit told you that you would get, correct?” She said “Well, yes, but it isn’t working out the way I thought it would.” I said “Ok, so the expectations you had of the job are not what you planned for?” She responded “Right!” I said “Who or what about this has you angry? Are you angry with Spirit for giving a prediction that came true? At me for delivering that prediction? At yourself for not being prepared for an outcome you didn’t expect? Or are you angry with this man who hired you and has taught you a very valuable life lesson?” She stared at me for a minute, her face became more red, and her breathing became more shallow, and she finally said “Well, I wasn’t expecting it to turn out this way! I make sure I always have my bases covered and I didn’t have this covered!” In that moment, I felt as though I was talking to my younger self, yet still needing to hear the message for my current self because I had not learned that very lesson as well as I thought I had.


For years, I was always prepared for anything and everything that came my way, or so I thought. I would spend sleepless nights figuring out a plan for every potential issue, obstacle, and outcome. I believed that I was simply being proactive in my journey, that if I was “prepared” then nothing could go wrong. What I learned was that the harder I worked at trying to manipulate the outcome to an outcome I could live with, the less control I had over any outcome. This took me years to realize and see from a different, clearer perspective, and unfortunately, there are times when I find myself still trapped in the desire to control the outcome of an event, trying to convince myself that if I do something, then I am not powerless and that I am in control. It is still a learning process for me because none of us are really in control of anything, we just think we are.


Recently, I had an experience that caused me to look at something I was holding on to and acknowledge why I was not ready to “let it go.” After careful contemplation, and what seemed like endless hours in meditation and prayer, it finally came to me. I was holding on so tightly to a desired outcome that I could only focus my energy, attention, and fear on that one outcome. I was faced with the realization that if I was to walk in faith, then I could not walk in fear because they are mutually exclusive. I remind people of this all the time in the work I do with them, and yet, I was so busy focusing on the outcome, that I failed to hear that same advice for myself. Eventually I asked that the fear be lifted from me so that I could allow the Universe to deliver the outcome that was in the highest good of all involved. It was only then that I began to see all potential outcomes, not just the one I had desired, and let go of all the expectations I had been holding onto, which, in turn, had been causing me such heartache.


Let go and let God is what I repeated all day, for many days, and over time, I came to accept that God knew exactly what the best outcome would be for everyone’s highest good, so I didn’t have to worry myself with the details, but as humans, it is difficult for many of us to relinquish control. In reality, we are not in control of anything, we are just participants in the master plan, and the less we resist the desire to hold on, the easier the journey. If we release any and all expectations we hold, the more we can enjoy the experience of living, and only then do we see that things will turn out exactly the way they are supposed to, not always exactly the way we want them to. I’m getting better at this game called Life, but I still have a ways to go!


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